“I need your advice, Mr. Shickler. I just turned 17, and I’m being pressured to have a baby. What should I do?”
There are times in life when we’re
faced with difficult questions, and this was one of them. I was in a state of shock. Standing before me was Michelle, a high
school senior and student in one of my weekly classes. Michelle was a bright student and, frankly, I
was stunned by her question.
At the end of class, Michelle had
asked if she could talk with me. When she
asked her question, my initial response was, “What?? What are you talking about?!” She looked at me and said it again: “I’m being pressured to have a baby and don’t
know what I’m supposed to do.” I knew
Michelle had a boyfriend in class named John. He was another great student, and so I was really
struggling with what she was saying. I
felt unqualified to even have the discussion, but I managed to say, “Michelle,
I don’t get it. John seems like such a
nice guy. Why would he be pressuring you
to have a baby?” “It isn’t John that’s pressuring
me, Mr. Shickler. It’s my mother.” Silence.
Confusion. More silence.
Michelle went on to explain that
her family was on welfare, and her mother had recently sat her down to discuss
the situation. She’d said that when Michelle
turned 18, the welfare checks would stop coming in, and her family counted on
those checks to survive. If Michelle had
a baby before she turned 18, the checks would continue. Michelle lived with her mother and grandmother
at the time. There were no men in the house, and from what I gathered, neither
her mother nor grandmother were ever married.
Michelle’s grandmother had gotten pregnant as a teenager, as had her
mother, and now it was up to Michelle to do what was needed to take care of the
family.
I was floored by this
conversation. All I could think of was
to ask Michelle what she would do if it was completely up to her. If she had a magic wand in her hand and could
waive it to make her desires real, what would she wish for? Michelle was silent and looked confused. She told me that she wasn’t used to thinking
that she had control of her decisions. So I suggested that she imagine she did, and
asked what she would do then. Another
few moments went by, and then Michelle said, “I wouldn’t get pregnant. I would go to college, and that’s how I would
make a difference for my family.”
Michelle did get pregnant, and
she had a baby girl. But it wasn’t when
she was 17; it was after she graduated from college and was employed in a
career of her choosing. I met Michelle
nearly 20 years ago, and today she is living proof that any cycle can be
broken, even one rooted in poverty and seemingly limited life options. While Michelle’s story may not be representative
of a typical teenager, there are millions of teens worldwide who are trapped in
the cycle of poverty that’s often perpetuated by early or unplanned pregnancy. Fortunately, there is hope, especially since
there’s an endless supply of free magic wands.
What can we take away from
Michelle’s story? How can you deal with
difficult questions and situations in your life? What do you do when you have to make a
potentially life-altering decision? What
guides you? Here are some things to
consider:
Imagine that you do have the
power to decide. You may not be able to
change the circumstances you’re in, but you can change how you react to them. Then, rather than looking to others for
answers, try to find one within yourself.
Everyone has passions in life. Everyone
has dreams they want to pursue, even if they’re buried deep. Try to bring those passions to the surface and
then lean into them. Organize your
life’s activities and decisions around moving your dreams forward.
You’ll face countless difficult
questions throughout your life, and you’ll encounter many challenging
circumstances. Just realize how little
you have to lose, because there really is no failure in life, only
feedback. Decide in favor of your
passion, and your magic wand will never lose its power.
Until next week…
Live Your Dreams
No comments:
Post a Comment